A lot of people have been pigeonholed into assuming that worshippers who ditch their churches for another are mostly driven by desperation for supernatural solutions to their challenges. When a different driver of church hopping emerges, everyone ought to pay heed. And where the worshipper in question is not just a worker but a minister, we go beyond attention into concentration.
Ace broadcaster Morayo Afolabi-Brown stirred social media a couple of days ago when she disclosed what made her disengage from Harvesters International Christian Centre (HICC). She said the following while hosting the church’s lead pastor, Bolaji Idowu, on her show: “What happened was that I was dating a minister in HICC. Both of us were really close and then he broke up with me. And then Pastor Bolaji was trying to get us to stay. How can two ministers be in a ministers’ meeting when we have broken up? I said, ‘Ko le shele.’ Pastor Bolaji begged me not to go, but I left. That was the reason why I left.”
If she found it absurd for two former lovebirds to attend the same ministers’ meeting, the Kingdom would be scandalised when two romantically involved persons operate at that apogee or any level of a church. But who are we to judge, poke into what transpired between them, or assume the casus belli? Let us therefore stay within the confines of the popular TV host’s confession. This is to seize a teachable moment that will help some Christians make Heaven at last.
Jilting and disappointment are what follow a departure from, or distraction from, why someone is in ministry. The Master, in Matthew 22:37, declared the first and greatest commandment to be: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.” When this is the case, the Almighty, who described Himself as jealous, will not allow you to become entangled with a heartbreaker. If your eyes are single, your whole body will be full of light, making wooers with unholy motives keep their distance.
Make no mistake about it, there are mixed multitudes in the house of God. This is thanks, in part, to the “marketing strategy” of churches that position themselves as places to find life partners. With evangelism being treated as marketing, people join such ministries to find lovers rather than Jesus. People may lust after your body, but it is the Lord Jesus who loves your soul—and unconditionally at that! As I was saying, churches then encourage members to court one another, ostensibly for retention reasons, rather than date outsiders who may snatch them away. This has now proved to be counterproductive: courtship among congregants does not prevent defection but can cause it when push comes to shove.
Usually, erstwhile lovers do everything possible to avoid each other or avoid running into one another. This is why something has to give whenever a breakup occurs. The worship centre is usually left with the short end of the stick. The one most hurt may even vent their spleen by spreading negative narratives about the church and its members. This becomes their catharsis against the church for exposing them to, or harbouring, a philanderer or a femme fatale, as the case may be. In the face of this ill will, how will the jilter continue fellowshipping with the brethren who know their history? Won’t conspiracy theories and suspicions from the ex’s friends and fans make the heartbreaker uncomfortable and whittle down their zeal for Kingdom service? Paranoia may even set in, leading them to leave the church as well. There must not be room for resentment, bad blood, or acrimony in the house of God.
It is perhaps to avert these scenarios and block the slippery path of youth that the unwritten code in most Pentecostal churches is that members dare not date each other without pastoral consent. Pastors even approve persons outside the church whom their members wish to enter into relationships with. These guardrails notwithstanding, what smacks of immorality has taken such a strong grip on churches that innocence is fast losing its boundaries. Just as Mrs Afolabi-Brown’s confession was making the rounds on social media, it was interrupted by Pastor Leke Adeboye’s disclosure that some workers in the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG) are in situationships—that is, cohabitation.
The biological son of Daddy GO, in a clip that has since gone viral, said: “The meaning of situationships is those who are living with each other. They are claiming that they are not doing anything apart from dividing the rent. They are not married. They are serving in RCCG churches, in different departments, and sometimes, once in a while, maybe when the female comes out of the bathroom, a towel drops.” Leke used that observation to drive home his point that holiness must be a lifestyle, which apparently was lost on the teenager wearing an RCCG wristband while his hand cuddled a girl’s breast.
Netizens were incensed that the teens could strike such a raunchy pose for the camera as they celebrated what has become known as the sign-out tradition after secondary school finalists completed their last examination. Moving on, since Pastor Leke and probably most church leaders know that their workers are in situationships and susceptible to immorality, how have they moved against such temptations? An appearance of evil must be adequately addressed to avert a situation like Morayo Afolabi-Brown’s. As elders in my neck of the woods would warn, the monkey’s paw should be taken out of the soup before it turns into a human hand.
The member in dire need of a companion should be encouraged to settle down before “see finish” not only lands them at the receiving end of “stories that touch” but also exposes them to eternal damnation. Pastors, therefore, have their work cut out for them beyond vetting whom their members should or should not court. Ephesians 4:27 must be impressed upon the pervert lest their corrupting influence on the congregation upset agape. Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Catch all the foxes, those little foxes, before they ruin the vineyard of love, for the grapevines are blossoming!” (NLT)
Meanwhile, it must be emphasised that disconnecting from your pastor for reasons other than divine instruction puts one at cross-purposes with God. This is because it is the Lord who directs those He loves to the shepherd bespoke for their destiny. Jeremiah 3:15 says, “I will give you shepherds after my own heart, who will guide you with knowledge and understanding.” The next verse in that chapter states that your increase and multiplication are tied to being under the wings of the pastor whom the Lord has set over you. Why throw all of that away because of some man?
Indeed, congregational relationships must not be allowed to degenerate to the level where ministers or members are not comfortable sharing fellowship because of their history. People must be sure of whatever they are getting into and be disciplined enough to stay the course.
If there is anywhere that consistency in character is taken for granted, it should be in the lives of believers because the Lord who leads them is the same yesterday, today, and forever. As such, there must not be any opportunistic tendencies or dark agendas in anyone who is a child of “the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning” (James 1:17).
VIS Ugochukwu is a sage, storyteller, and branding specialist who welcomes feedback via nmiringwu@gmail.com.